I have avoided this rant and it really will be short because so many sites have covered it already. It really shouldn’t need repeating but it seems as though it has to be told again and again and again. Sometimes with memes...
People forget. People fake acknowledge.
After having a baby, a woman is almost a completely different person. And even though a mother may know that postpartum depression and anxiety can be a reality after giving birth, that same mom has really NO idea what that can mean until the baby arrives. One of the biggest surprises I had after Miah was born was the moment I sat in silence about how I felt and realized my brain and overall being just seemed exponentially different. It was a weird moment for me. And now with her about 11 months, so close to a year old, I can say with confidence I’ve upheld being almost a completely different person in so many ways.
Then combine that with thoughts of not being a good enough mother and being so sensitive you believe everyone hates you. Although some folks actually MAY NOT like who you are at the moment! Again, you are different now and are navigating what that really means for you and in turn how that is reflected to those around you.
I personally have a hard time asking for help. A hard time reaching out and saying I need support. You have to know who your villiage is and who you can really trust as if you didn’t already have enough on your mind! I’m blessed with a handful of genuine friends and strong help from my parents because you really do need more than your own household to do this. That said the mom guilt about when I work, even though I’m a contracted worker, is peppered with the feeling I have lost some connection with my daughter while away. And about that—you never hear the term “dad guilt!” Why do women attach guilt to ourselves so easily? I really want to put that away for good—don’t you?
I don’t have a pretty bow to finish this up with—I’ve vowed to keep it raw and real here. But I hereby want to declare that YOUR FEELINGS ARE VALID. I’ve really grown tired of knowitalls and people who wouldn’t walk in your shoes even if theirs were riddled with holes. If you needed to hear today that your emotions matter, here you go. Support each other and ask questions. Don’t assume a happy new mom is fine because sometimes she’s not and that’s really OK.